TITLE: Star Wars and Lacy Brassieres
AUTHOR: Kathleen Anderson
STATUS: Complete
CATEGORY: Humour, Sam/Jack
SPOILERS: Ascension, Point of No Return
SEASON/SEQUEL: Season five, no sequel
SUMMARY: An alternate take on the scene from Ascension where Jack and Teal'c show up at Carter's place with a pizza and movie
STATUS: Complete
ARCHIVE: SJA, Heliopolis. Anyone else want it? Mail me!
FEEDBACK: Of course!
DISCLAIMER:Nothing except the plot is my own. Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No money is being made from this.

The doorbell rang. It was followed shortly by a few knocks. Sam put down the shirt she was folding and answered the door. Jack stood there, holding a pizza box with a video and Teal'c - where did Teal'c get a cowboy hat from?- stood behind him.

"Thought you might like some company" Jack said, "You must be getting awfully bored not being able to play with your...doohickeys and all."

"We have brought Star Wars." Teal'c added.

Jack grinned, "The big guy says it's good."

Sam looked at Jack with disbelief, "You've never seen Star Wars sir?"

"Well you know me and sci-fi." Jack said, almost apologetically.

Sam stepped aside and let them in. As soon as the door was shut, Teal'c pulled off the cowboy hat and set it down on the top shelf of the coat closet. Sam glanced over at Jack questioningly, but if he knew anything, which he most certainly did, he kept his mouth shut. Sam wondered what other hats the Jaffa kept hidden in his quarters on base. Did he have a sombrero? One of those fur hats with the tail down the back? A native headdress?

Her thoughts were interrupted as Jack pushed past her, heading for her fridge, no doubt to raid it for beer. Teal'c had taken off his cowboy boots and waiting to be led into the living room.

Jack's head appeared from down the hall, "Can I get ya a cold one Carter?"

Sam nodded and headed for her living room. She heard a bottle cap hit her sink and sighed inwardly. Teal'c stood behind Sam, his gaze trained upon her laundry which was spread out on the couch. Sam hurried towards it and began to hastily toss the clothes into the basket.

Jack grabbed the two beers and headed to the living room. Teal'c stood holding the pizza and video while Carter was tossing her clothes around. He watched as a bra hit the basket followed by a pair of panties.

"Ahem, Carter..I'll uh...I'll just put this down here." Jack said as he placed her beer on the coffee table.

Sam picked up the basket, "Thanks sir." and her laundry to wherever she was sure Jack wouldn't venture. Not that she thought he would go through it or anything.

Jack took the pizza from Teal'c and set it down next to Sam's beer.

"I did not think MajorCarter would be the type to own a lacy brassiere."

Jack, who had just taken a swig of beer began coughing, loudly.

Sam returned from hiding her laundry, "You okay sir?"

"Peachy", Jack replied from in between coughs.

"I believe O'Neill began coughing after I stated that I did not think that you would..."

"Appreciate us starting the movie without you!" cut in Jack, who was wiping his eyes.

Sam nodded, "Well, I'll, um, get some plates and napkins for the pizza and then we'll watch the movie."

Teal'c bowed his head and settled himself down in the lazy boy.

"I do not understand why the Tau'ri make beds that vibrate but do not do the same with their chairs."

"Maybe we could get Carter to rig you up one of those."

Sam returned with the plates and napkins, "Rig up one of what sir?"

"A vibrating chair, T wants a vibrating chair."

"Oh well, ah, I suppose one day when I have have some free time..."

"I would be most grateful to you MajorCarter."

Jack grabbed the movie and took it out of its case, "Right then, let's start the movie."

Sam handed Teal'c a plate and a napkin, then sat down on the sofa. Jack popped the movie into the VCR and joined Sam on the sofa.

The credits began to roll and Jack, who had been napping, woke up.

"I find that movie to be most satisfying." Teal'c stated.

Jack rubbed his hands over his face, "Well to each his own. Any pizza left?"

Sam shook her head, "I've got some buns in the kitchen if you're hungry."

Jack frowned, "Nah, thanks anyway Carter. I think I'll just use the bathroom and stretch my legs out a bit."

Jack got off the couch and headed in the direction that Carter had taken her laundry.

"Ah sir? The washroom's upstairs."

Jack turned around, "I knew that..I was just..stretching my legs."

Jack headed up the stairs, muttering something under his breath.

"I believe that O'Neill was looking for your lacy brassiere, MajorCarter."

Sam began coughing loudly.

Teal'c cocked his head, "I find this most strange. Do all Tau'ri have such a reaction to the mention of a lacy brassiere?"

"I don't know Teal'c. Maybe you'd better investigate that.", Sam barely managed to say between coughs.

Teal'c nodded, "Indeed I will."