TITLE: Locker Room Rendezvous
AUTHOR: Kathleen Anderson
SPOILERS: none really
SUMMARY: A series of short scenes starring Sam and Jack
FEEDBACK: Of course!
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors.


It was late when Jack shut down his computer. He flicked the switch off on the power bar and watched as the screen faded to black. Another day done, another penny earned. He gathered a pile of papers, put them in a folder and headed out of his office.

Jack's destination was the locker room. He needed to get out of his cammies and into his civvies. He found the locker room empty, which was unusual. It was generally occupied by at least one person showering or changing their clothes. Jack put his folder down on a bench and went over to his locker. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

As he slipped off his shirt, the locker room door opened admitting Carter.

"Hey Carter."

Sam smiled, "Sir."

"You burning the midnight oil too?"

"Yeah, I had a report that the General wanted on his desk in the morning. You?"

"Oh you know, the usual mission reports."

Sam went over to her locker and grabbed her civvies.

"You don't mind do you sir? I realize it's not exactly standard procedure but I don't feel like waiting."

Jack tugged on his shirt, "Nope, go right ahead. I've seen you in less."

Sam shot him a glare as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"So what are you planning on doing this weekend Carter?"

Sam took off her pants and shrugged. Jack tried not to stare as his 2IC stood before him clad only in her bra and panties.

"What have you got planned?"

Jack unbuckled his belt, "Oh, just the usual, drink some beer, watch the game."

"Sounds like fun."

"It's called relaxing Carter, you should try it sometime."

"You already ordered me to get a life once sir, it didn't work then and it's not going to work now."

"Join me then."


Jack took off his pants and folded them up on the bench, "Join me. I'll buy the beer, you bring the chips, we'll watch the game."

Sam put on her shirt and eyed him dubiously, "It better not be curling."

Jack laughed as he reached for his jeans, "Don't worry Carter, you really think I like watching men with brooms sweep the ice? It's about as interesting as watching paint dry."

Sam smiled, "What game is it then?"

"The hockey game, Vancouver versus New York."

"Well," Sam started as she concentrated on buttoning up her fly, "I guess I could join you."

"Great! The game starts at two tomorrow. I'll stop and pick up the beer on my way home."

"And I'll get the chips before coming over tomorrow. What flavour is it that you like sir? Sour cream and onion?"

Jack made a face, "Yuck Carter, yuck. You know that I like barbeque."

"I hear they have ketchup flavoured in Canada."

"Who thought that ketchup would make a good flavour for chips?"

Sam shrugged, "I guess someone did."

Jack pulled his jacket out of his locker and slammed it shut. He threw the jacket over his shoulder and picked up his folder, "Remember, two tomorrow afternoon. Don't be late."

"I won't."

Jack grinned and pushed open the door. He made his way to the elevator and got in, still smiling.


Sam arrived at Jack's house at exactly quarter to two. Jack peeked out, through his blinds, at her and watched as she parked her car and gathered up her stuff from the passenger's seat. He had the beer chilling the fridge and the couch cushions fluffed.

A small knock sounded at the door before it opened and Sam stuck her head in.


"Come in Carter!"

Sam closed the door behind her and bent down to take off her shoes. Jack eyed the rather large shopping bags that she had with her, "How many bags of chips did you buy?"

Sam straightened up, "Oh, well I got a couple bags of chips, a bag of cheezies, a bag of pretzels and a bag of munchie mix."

"Feeling hungry today Carter?"

Sam shrugged, "You can always save some it for another time. We don't have to eat it all today."

"I've got the beer in the fridge and I fluffed the couch cushions so you can't complain this time!"

Sam laughed, "The cushion was so lumpy, I was sitting on an incline!"

"I think maybe I need a new couch."

"I think maybe you do sir. Did you ever get out that tomato sauce stain that Daniel left?"

"From when he fed spaghetti to my couch?"

Sam nodded and picked up her shopping bags. Jack made a face, "No, I tried but I just had to turn the cushion over. When I did that I found the red wine stain from a couple of years ago."

Sam had made her way into Jack's kitchen and was pulling out various bowls from a cabinet, "I'll put out just the pretzels and barbeque chips for now."

Jack pulled two bottles of beer out of the fridge and twisted the caps off, "Here you go Carter." he said, handing her one of the bottles. Sam took it and gratefully took a sip.

Grabbing one of the bowls, Jack headed for the living room. Sam followed him with the other bowl and set it down on the coffee table.

"So are they in the play-offs already?"

Jack picked up the remote control, "Yep, this is the second game."

Sam nodded, "Which team are you rooting for?"

"I suppose I should be patriotic and go for New York, but I like the Vancouver players better."

"Alright, I'll cheer for Vancouver too."

"You don't watch much hockey do you Carter."

Sam shook her head, "It's not because I don't enjoy watching it, I just never seem to have the time."

Jack lifted his beer to his mouth and took a large swig, "You have plenty of time Carter, you just always use it to work. The world isn't going to end if you take a break."

Sam looked at him, "Are you sure it isn't sir?"

Jack raised an eyebrow, "Well, okay, so there is a slight chance of the world ending if you take a break, but it's highly unlikely."

The game started and Sam leaned back into the couch, "Your cushions are still a little lumpy."

"Want to go shopping for a new couch tomorrow Carter?"

Sam hesitated, "Well, uh, I was planning on working on the diagnostic of the MALP that blew up.."

"Ah ah! No diagnostics Carter! You're going furniture shopping. Besides, I need someone along to tell me if the upholstery is ugly."

Sam sighed and realized that resistance was futile, "Alright sir, we'll go and find you a new couch."

Jack smiled, "Good, I'll meet you at your place at 11:00 tomorrow. Now shut up and watch the game."

"Aye sir, shutting up sir."


True to his word, Jack was at Sam's place at 11:00 the next day. He parked his truck behind Sam's car and waited for her to come out. He assumed that she would be waiting for him, all ready to go. He waited for a couple of minutes, turning on the radio to help pass the time. He waited for another five minutes and began to squint at her windows.

"All right Carter, I'm coming in after you." he said and purposefully got out the truck and marched up the walk.

Jack reached the door and jabbed the doorbell with his index finger. He waited a moment before knocking. "Come on Carter," he said impatiently, "Everyone's gonna have taken all the couches by the time we get there!"

The door opened just as Jack's finger made for the bell again, "Sir!" Sam said, looking genuinely surprised.

"Uh hey Carter, what's up with the robe? You planning on going out in that?"

"Going out?"

Jack stared at her, "Yes, couch shopping, remember?"

Sam put a hand to her mouth, "I thought you were joking!"

Jack shook his head, "Nope, not this time Carter. You'd better get dressed. So many couches, so little time."

Sam stepped aside and motioned for Jack to come inside, "You can wait in here, I'll go get dressed."

So Jack stepped inside and watched as Sam scurried away to get dressed. He didn't want to take off his boots so he stayed in the foyer. Sam began banging around, opening and closing drawers. He could picture her tossing her clothes about.

As Jack was admiring the paint job on the walls, Sam reappeared, this time fully dressed. "I just have to grab my purse and then we'll go."

Jack nodded and hoped it wouldn't take her too long to find her purse. It didn't and soon he was back in his truck, with Sam beside him.

"So where are we going?"

Jack flicked on the turn signal and pulled out onto the street, "I was thinking IKEA?"

Sam pulled the visor down and used the mirror to apply lipstick, "They have some nice stuff. A lot of it is very modern though."

"You don't think I'm a modern guy?"

"I actually had you pegged as more of a rustic kind of guy."

"Well, we can always go to Sears."

"Let's go to IKEA anyway, I've been wanting to look for a new end table and besides, I love looking around in there."

"Alright IKEA is it."

Sam continued to apply her lipstick as Jack found his way to the IKEA store. After a lengthy battle for a parking space, Jack managed to get his truck squeezed in and he and Sam were soon entering the store.

"Do you want to check out the couches first?"

"Might as well."

They consulted a store directory and made their way to home furnishing department. Sam immediately went over to a dark purple sofa bed, "What about this?" she asked, running her hand over the cushions.

"Purple? You think I want a purple sofa bed?"

Sam shrugged and moved over to a white couch, "What about this one?"

"I don't think that white is such a good idea unless I want to ban Danny from sitting on it."

There were several more styles, all of which Jack shot down. They then moved onto the end tables.

Sam was admiring a sleek, stylish table, "I think I like this one the best."

Jack eyed her curiously, "It's the only one you've looked at."

"It speaks to me, it's saying 'Take me home, please!'"

"I'm glad that things don't talk to me in stores."

Sam checked the price on it, "Yep, it's definitely saying 'take me home' Are you sure things don't talk to you? Maybe you just aren't listening carefully enough."

"Quite sure Carter, quite sure. So you're going to take that one then?"

Sam hoisted the table up and hugged it to her, "Yes, LAXNE here is coming home with me."


"It's the table's name."

"Oh, it sounds like something you take when you're constipated."

Sam laughed and moved LAXNE to a more comfortable position, "We ready to go then?"

"You don't want to look around?"

"Not carrying this thing."

Jack shrugged, "Okay, guess we're ready to go then."

Sam paid for LAXNE and they put her in the back of Jack's truck. "On to Sears?" Jack asked as he unlocked his door. Sam nodded.

"I certainly hope they don't have purple sofa beds."

"I think we'll find something there for you sir."

Jack eased his truck out of the parking space and headed back out onto the roads.

"You want to grab a bite to eat while we're at the mall?"

"Before or after looking in Sears? I'm really not hungry yet, I ate breakfast at 10:00."

"We can go after Sears, no problem."

They arrived at the mall and Jack once again began to prowl the parking lot looking for a spot large enough for his truck. "They never make the parking spots big enough." Jack said as he passed by a spot that couldn't have been more than 4 feet wide.

"There's one!" Sam said, pointing to a spot several rows away. Jack drove over there and neatly parked the truck.

Sam hopped out and gazed at LAXNE in the back, "Is she going to be alright back there?"

"We'll cover her with a tarp, I'm sure she'll be just fine."

"Can't we put her in the truck?"

Jack sighed and lifted LAXNE from the back and deposited her on the seat, "Better?"

Sam smiled, "Much, thank you."

Sears was fairly crowded as Sam and Jack entered the store, "I think the funiture is this way sir." Sam said, pointing to the left.

"Lead on Major."

Jack followed Sam past the televisions and stereos, past the washers and dryers, and past the beds, before arriving at the couches.

Sam bounded over to a black leather one, "Oh this one is nice, feel it."

Jack obiently ran his hand over the smooth leather, "The price is horrendous though."

Sam's eyes bugged out as she checked the price, "Okay," she said, moving to the next one, "This one's nice. It's not purple or white."

Jack eyed the couch in question, a modest dark green upholstered sofa, "That's more my style."

Sam looked at the price tag, "Not a bad price either."

"Better have a test sit."

Jack plopped down on it, and Sam sat next to him, "It's not lumpy." she said.

"Ah, feels good. Makes me want to put my feet up and have a beer."

"I guess we've found your couch!"

"Guess so."

Jack waved over the salesman and told him that he wanted the couch he was sitting on.

"So Carter," Jack said, "I've been thinking, now that I've got my new couch, maybe I should have some people over, you know, to celebrate the new addition."


"No, not tonight. All this shopping as worn me out, I was thinking maybe tomorrow night. Invite Daniel, Teal'c, Janet, Cassie and Hammond, heck maybe even Siler would want to come!"

"Sounds good to me."

"You can bring LAXNE over if you want, meet the gang."

Sam laughed, "You know what sir, I might just do that!"


Sam arrived at Jack's house and noticed that Daniel's car was already there. That meant that Teal'c had most likely arrived as well. She parked her car next to Daniel's and went up Jack's door. Jack swung the door open even before Sam had a chance to knock. Jack peered past Sam as though he were looking for something, Sam gave him a quizzical look.

"Just looking for LAXNE. Will she be joining us this evening?" Jack asked.

"Uh no," Sam said laughing, "She's at home, still getting acquainted with her new surroundings."

"Ah, I see. Feeling a little homesick is she?"

"Something like that. Can I come in? It's rather chilly out here."

Jack stepped aside and allowed Sam to step inside. "Daniel and Teal'c are already here, they managed to round up Siler before they left."

"Is General Hammond coming?"

Jack shrugged, "I invited him, but he said something about going bowling with Kayla and Tessa. He might join us later."

"General Hammond bowling...I just don't see it." Sam said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, me neither. Anyway, did you invite Janet and Cassie?"

Sam nodded, "Janet said they'd be over after Cassie's finished her homework."

Jack looked a bit disgusted, "It's a Friday night and she's making Cassie do her homework?"

"Apparently she's been having trouble getting her assignments done on time. Janet's starting to clamp down on her more now."

"Hey Sam!" said Daniel as he appeared from around the corner. He was holding a bottle of beer, which judging by his tone of voice, wasn't his first.

"Hey Daniel, I thought you didn't like that kind of beer."

"It's not so bad once you get used to it. Jack mentioned something about you bringing some furniture with you?"

"No, I left LAXNE at home."

"What kind of name is LAXNE? Sounds like something you take when you want to take a crap."

Sam moved closer to Jack and whispered to him, "How many beers has he had? I don't think I've ever heard Daniel use the word crap."

"One, maybe two?"

"You'd better not let him have anymore. You don't want him to throw up on your new sofa."

Jack looked quite appalled by that possibility and went to hide the other beers. Sam took off her shoes and jacket and entered the main part of Jack's house. Daniel had sat down on the new sofa beside Siler, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable. Teal'c was sorting through Jack's cd collection, no doubt looking for the Barry Manilow cd that Jack was embarrased to own.

"Major Carter, do you know where O'Neill's Barry Manilow cd is?" asked Teal'c, with a look that could almost be disappointment on his face.

"No sorry Teal'c, I don't know where he hid it this time. Is the Bee Gees' cd there this time?"

Teal'c turned back to Jack's cd stand and pawed through the cds again, "Indeed." he said, turning around with a cd in hand.

"Put that one on, I've always liked, 'Stayin' Alive'."

Jack walked into the living room just as Teal'c pushed play on the cd player. "Oh God!" Jack said, burying his face in his hands, "I knew I should have hiden that one along with Barry Manilow."

"Hello?" It was Janet calling, she and Cassie had apparently let themselves in.

"Hi Janet!" called Sam.

"We knocked a couple of times, but no one was answering. Is that the Bee Gees?"

"Yes, the Colonel has quite an impressive cd collection." answered Sam.

"Oh my God...." said Cassie as she looked into the living room, "I didn't know that Daniel could dance like that!"

Sam glanced over her shoulder, her eyebrows jumping up her forehead.

"Daniel! Off my coffee table, now." Jack said, as he watched Daniel strike a pose.

"I brought some chips and dip." Janet said, holding up a bag, "I didn't know if you wanted me to bring anything. Oh hey Siler! I didn't see you see there before."

Siler offered her a wave and then buried his head in the car magazine he'd found beside the couch.

"Is General Hammond coming?" Cassie asked.

Sam shrugged, "Apparently he's bowling with his granddaughters, but he'll try to make it."

Janet traipsed into the kitchen and poured her chips into a bowl. She then set them out, with the dip, on the coffee table. "I made the dip myself." she announced proudly, and watched with pride as Daniel began scooping it up.

Jack stood next to Sam and watched their friends. "Boy," he said, "Do we know how to have fun or what?"

Sam looked at Cassie, who was dancing with Daniel, Janet who had sat down next to Siler and Teal'c who was playing DJ. "Yes sir, we do know how to have fun."


"Yes Teal'c?"

"I am endeavoring to locate your Village People album, could you be of assistance?"

Sam starting laughing and Jack pulled Teal'c to his side, "Teal'c, I think it's time you and I had a little chat."