He's gone, he died, but at the same time he didn't. He's gone, but he's not. I talked with Jack. He said that Daniel asked him to stop Dad. I don't know how Daniel asked him but I don't doubt that he did.
I never told anyone else how I felt about Daniel. I wasn't even planning on telling Daniel, but then it was almost too late. I loved Daniel..I love Daniel. I don't love him as I would a husband, but more as I love my family. I wonder if Daniel heard me, crying over him.
And God stands winding His lonely horn,
And time and the world are ever in flight;
And love is less kind than the grey twilight,
And hope is less dear than the dew of the morn
Ascension. Does this mean that Daniel is better than the rest of us now? He is like Orlin was. I thought I loved Orlin, he made me feel beautiful. I thought I loved him, like I thought I loved Narim, Martouf, Joe and Jonas. They are gone now. Not gone like Daniel, but gone.
Did Daniel hear me tell him he changed me? He made me see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
I find Jack in Daniel's lab, touching the various texts and artifacts.
Jack whirls around, he sees me.
"Carter. Hey, I was just, uh, you know."
"Yeah, I know."
I join him, and watch as he runs his hand along the length of a statue.
"Hard to believe he's really gone."
I nod and find myself praying that I can get through this without breaking down into tears.
"What do you suppose they're gonna do with all his rocks and stuff?"
"I suppose that there's a museum out there that would love to get their hands on this stuff."
"The General wants us to clear out Daniel's apartment."
Those words send a stabbing pain through my heart. We'd done that before.
"Yeah, sure. That's not a problem."
Jack picks up a book and flips through it.
"Daniel said that he's going to miss us."
I can't help it, a tear rolls down my cheek. Jack looks at me and puts the book down. I don't protest as he grabs me and pulls me into a hug.
Time heals wounds
It'll see me through
But I'll need many more moons
To forget you
"Before Daniel left, I told him that I don't know why we always wait to tell people how we feel."
"Did you love Daniel?"
Jack and I are sitting on the floor of Daniel's lab. He looks rather shocked by what I've just said.
"I did love him, I do love him, but it's a different kind of love."
Jack picks at his boot, "Oh?"
I nod and wipe my eyes with my sleeve, "I love him as a friend, like a brother. I hoped that he always knew."
"I think he did."
He looks at me, startled by my use of his first name.
"You know how I feel, about you, don't you?"
He doesn't need to say more, the way he looks at me says it all.
'cause i am falling, into a world that i can't descibe
and i am calling, 'cause i'd like to say goodbye
I told him, and it wasn't too late. A part of me feels at peace now. I haven't said goodbye yet. He left so suddenly. Maybe the other part will never feel at peace, but that's alright. He knew how I felt and now Jack knows too.
Various poems and songs used:
"Farewell to Lochaber" Allan Ramsey
"Into the Twilight" William Butler Yeats
"Nothing Gold Can Stay" Robert Frost
"Cold Winds" Heather Rankin
"Falling" Bruce Guthro