Because I care about her, a lot more than I'm supposed to Had he once spoken those words? It's hard to remember now. So long ago, a different life time ago.

I remember him. He was tall, taller than me, with brown hair that he had let go grey. He had brown eyes, they were warm, when he looked at me. Dangerous, he was dangerous, his eyes, they were dangerous too.

I'd have rather died myself than lose Carter I'm Carter. He called me Carter, I remember now! My name is Samantha, but he called me Carter. What did I call him? Colonel? Looking down I see the name Jonathan O'Neill. I never called him Jonathan. I called him Colonel. Was it a nickname?

Yeah sure ya betcha snookums He said that, to me. He asked me to go fishing with him, then he said that. I repeat it out loud and giggle. It sounds funny, like music. Did he ever sing to me? row row row your boat, gently down the stream He sang about boats.

My hands trace the name Jonathan O'Neill, carved in the cold grey stone. I look at them, my hands. They used to look different. When I knew him, they were different. I reach up and touch my face. My face felt different then too. It was softer then, smoother. Have my eyes changed? They are blue now, like the colour of the sky. Did he like my eyes?

Blonde hair. I had blonde hair. I had blonde hair and he had brown. There was someone else with brown hair. Daniel. Someone called Daniel. I knew bald people too. Two men, one was big. He didn't look like me. His skin was dark. The other, he was pale. I don't know who they are.

Wild horses Captain Did we work with horses? I don't remember what I did. I like horses though, so maybe I did. Captain? Was that me? I am a Captain? A Captain of Horses, that must have been me. I was Captain, he was Colonel, we worked with horses.

I remember feelings He loved me. I sat with my head on his shoulder. We were some place warm and dark. A stable? Were we in a stable, tending to our horses?

Who's Janet? Janet and Cassandra. I know the names, but the faces elude me. Were they my friends? Did they know Colonel and help with the horses?

It's my sidearm, I swear I giggle. I remember giggling when he said that to me. What is a 'sidearm'? I don't remember him having an arm on his side. I giggle again, picturing a man with an arm on his side. My Colonel only had two arms. It must have been a joke. He was funny.

Jack. He was called Jack. Looking down again I see the name Jonathan, but his name was Jack. He was my Jack. He left me one day. He never came back. The bald man, the pale one, he told me that Jack retired. Ree-ty-erd. That's a funny word.

I don't think I saw him again, after he ree-ty-erd. I saw the man Daniel and the dark one. A woman is there too, one with dark hair and dark eyes. She's short, much shorter than me. Was she Janet? Or maybe she was Cassandra.

Jack's dead. That's why I'm here. Jack died a long time ago, when my hands still looked different and my skin was smooth. I brought him flowers. Someone drove me here, who was it? Cassandra? My fingers trace the name again. The stone is so cold and hard.

My face is wet. I don't know why. It can't be raining, the sky looks like my eyes. It doesn't rain when the sky looks like my eyes.

You go girl I remember now, we didn't work with horses. We did something else. It was a secret. I never told anyone. Jack never told anyone either.

I'm tired. I should go home, be warm, but I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave Jack.

"Sam!"

Is that my name? I thought I was Carter, or Samantha.

"Sam!"

I lay my head down on the cold stone. It's wet now too. Feels damp on my face. I close my eyes, I need to sleep.

Merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream